Dear Laura,
I will always be writing this alone, secretly devoted to this pain I carry with me, hoping somehow, somewhere my thoughts and feelings reach you.
It breaks my heart that you are no longer with us. It kills me every year to remember this fact alone. It has been 10 years. Ten years of celebrating your memory and keeping your love alive for our kids who wonder about the great mom they should have had. It hurts me that I still miss you just the same. It hurts me we were not together that day. It hurts me so much that you died alone and I wasn't there. I wish for courage now when I have none.
I thought time would make things bearable or close to bearable, but it hasn't. I will carry my love for you till we finally meet again. I just want to do right by our kids, I want them to feel your love in every way possible. I just hope I am doing it the way you would have wanted.
Today is surprisingly sunny, a clear day with blue skies like the day you left. Everyone still remains anxious. How could we not be? There is still so much pain that lingers, but I can only hope for better days where I have my feelings in check and I remain clear and lucid for our boys. They keep me strong, these little faces that look so much like you. For now I have you in my memories and in my dreams as always.
Till we meet, my love.
Gary
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